Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Wrath of Rider.

On May 15, 2008, at 10:29 pm EST, your editors of Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland made the gravest error of our careers.

A little context: It was nearly two weeks after the 'Zards exit from the playoffs. We were still a wee-bit salty, but had recovered to the point where we could actually oogle some biddies. The braintrust decided that it was time to start posting on this here blog again. We were all a tizzy trying decide what boneriffic material we should start with first. Lo and behold we stumble across some hot Topanga lesbo action. Since we all made man mustard to that nerdy vixen back in the day....we thought it was the perfect post to announce the rededication of Made 'Em Jump.

What we didn't count on was: the Wrath of Rider Strong.

Shorlty after we posted "Boner Jams '94" we received an e-mail from a reader of the blog praising our: vim and vigor, it was signed Mr. Feeney. We found this to be hilarious and began to correspond with said reader....little did we know that "reader" was actually a pissed-off Rider Strong. The e-mail communication provided Rider all the information he needed to track us down and before we knew it, he was beating on the doors of the Made 'Em Jump Mansion.

The picture you see above was taken after Rider Strong bit the nose off our butler (Caron). We were shook to say the least. Rider ranted, raved and rampaged until we asked why he was so pissed, turns out he has some hot homo pics of his own that he wanted us to post:


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Boner Jams '94

Topanga was the big boobicaled nerd of all 13 year old boys' dreams...and now she has graduated to the dreams of 27 year olds...

Danielle Fishel aka Topanga aka Corey Matthews formerly banging girlfriend was recently photographed hooking up with some bias at a bar...way to be classy...I guess her Philly roots finally came through...

Monday, May 12, 2008

See, What had Happened Was....

It's been 10 days since our beloved Boullez choked on a fat one. We actually got out of bed this morning and used toilet paper for the first time (ever).
Don't rush us...we promise to post soon. You don't want us to unleash a flood of digital tears: they're unsightly and extremely corrosive to your computers.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Caron-ic Kills

"I'm the voice of this team and Antawn is the spiritual and emotional leader so unless you hear it from one of us, keep it moving." - Caron Butler managing to be professional and gully all at the same time.

What a road win. Gil shuts it down for the season an hour before tip, but that's all right because Caron put this team on his back for 32, 9 and 5 including the game winner on Lebron. Tough Juice came out and got hot right from the start, hitting everything, and I mean everything. Maybe his most impressive play of the game was pinning Wally on the sideline right in front of the scorer's table, taking a swipe at the ball and knocking it loose only for Wally to recover it, then sliding to the inside where Scerbs was turning to rip him again, taking the ball this time and sprinting down the open floor for the layup and the foul for the three point play. Maybe he did it for Abe Pollin, maybe he did it to prove you do your talking on the floor, or maybe he hit the game winner because of the fresh straw he was chewing, but regardless of the motivation, Caron led by example to bring the series back to the VC on Friday for game 6. You make a man proud to have you on our team Tough Juice.

Before I get carried away gushing over Caron's performance last night, let's take a moment to talk about the officiating of the game and the national media's (read: ESPN) near unhealthy obsession with Lebron. For anyone who's ever read a single post of mine, it's pretty damn clear that I am not a Lebron fan. As I've previously stated, while I respect the dude for his game and his unparalleled athleticism, I do not enjoy his constant bitching and moaning to the refs or the way he tries to act like the Wiz rivalry doesn't bother him when it clearly does. But after some long thought, I've realized that half of this isn't his fault. A good share of the blame needs to be put solely on ESPN and and TNT.

In next year's dictionary if you look up dick riding, you might see a picture of TNT's broadcasting crew. During that whole Songaila phantom punch incident (Which by the way was a result of them getting tangled up, not D-song taking a swing. Go here for the extensive breakdown. Nice work Pradamaster.), the TNT broadcast was all over it, saying Songaila should've been tossed for "throwing a punch." Before a replay is even shown, Albert is screaming "HE THREW A PUNCH AT HIM, HE'S GONE!!!!" It didn't really help out that Lebron was acting like he just got into a Kanye level car crash the way he was nursing that jaw. Then, when the refs give the old double tech to Deshawn and Sideshow Bob,
Cheryl Reggie Miller starts questioning why Deshawn's hand was close enough to Varejao for him to slap it away. REALLY? You can get tech'd for invading a dude's personal space? So I'll go ahead and blame this one on the officiating for making the call from the privacy of Lebron's ass, and the broadcasters for being able to still talk with Lebron's dick so far down their throats.

Immediately after the game last night, I got online to see what had to say about the win. What am I greeted with on their front page when it loads? This bullshit. The Cavs lose a closeout game at home, Lebron misses the winner and that's the picture you put up on the front page? The only consolation to that is any Cavs fan who missed the game probably went on ESPN and immediately thought they had won. If you went to a non biased sports site, like say CBS Sportsline (who coincidentally host the greatest online fantasy football leagues ever), you'd be greeted with a front page that truly represents what happened. If ESPN's front page antics weren't enough, they let it infiltrate their formerly credible Daily Dime article, by listing Lebron as "Wednesday's Best." Caron put up nearly identical numbers, shot 50% from the field and hit the game winner, yet Lebron, who shot a sparkling 38% was the best of the night? Is this for real? So, in Lebron's defense (I can't believe I just typed that) a lot of my hate towards him has been generated by the media and officiating more than things he himself has done.

But enough with the hate. Let's all celebrate a legendary performance by the man they call Tough Juice, sit back, and enjoy the fact that the ride's still going and the train is coming back to DC. Unfortunately for myself, I'll be on a plane during game 6, off to the land of tight pants and weird haircuts (read: Europe) so I'm going to have to leave it in the hands of the rest of the Made 'em Jump braintrust to cover our eventual game 7 victory.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

P.S. Lebron even travels in commercials.