Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and The Sad

"Bradley was sweet and kind and generous with his time, a remarkably patient man who never seemed to lose his temper, even when he was entitled to lose it." - John Feinstein


THE GOOD

So the NFL draft was over the weekend. The Skins drafted a plethora of receiving talent including two top receiver prospects, the best TE in college football, and the punter of the year. However, I'd like to point out that their best pick for me was taking Colt Brennan at #182 overall in the sixth round. What's not to like about this guy? From a physical aspect, he looks like a character that would hang out in the lower cafeteria in my HS sticking kids up for their honey bun money, and let's be honest, that'll always be endearing to me. From a playing aspect, we're in need of a third string QB, he made it rain in Honolulu for three consecutive seasons, and he's practically made for the west coast offense. Finally, from a personal aspect, much like me, Brennan's taken on Hawaii as his adopted home state. So Colt, if you ever get terribly homesick for the islands while you're in the DMV, holla at your boy Agent Hiro and we can go grab some bento for lunch. Spam musabis > haole breakfast.


THE BAD

Remember in game 1 of the Wiz Cavs series where Lebron couldn't handle the hard fouls and retaliated against Blatche with an elbow to the face? Remember when the refs didn't do shit about it? Well, in their infinite wisdom, the NBA has assessed Lebron with a retroactive flagrant foul. So what does that mean for us? Absolutely nothing. If it had been correctly called during the game, it would've resulted in a free throw and possession. Instead, the NBA raises their hand, mutters "my bad" and apparently we just move on. Thanks dicks.


THE SAD

In some terribly sad news, soccer legend Gordon Bradley has passed away. A member of the national soccer hall of fame, Bradley will probably be remembered best for being a player coach of the Pele led NY Cosmos in the NASL in the '70s, coaching George Mason soccer for 16 years, and his color commentary work for DC United. As an avid soccer fan and George Mason alum, I'm pretty sad to hear this. I am however pretty happy to see that notable writers like John Feinstein have recognized how great of a man he was by writing a great piece on the NASL, Johan Cruyff and Gordon Bradley. Rest in peace Gordon.


Yours in somber blood,
Agent Hiro

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Blow The Whistle.....Cause Lebron Travelled Again

"Lil' Lebron gotta run to his pops/Like "Daddy, he was makin fun of the Roc"/What's next, he goin get a diss track from his mom/Is Beyonce gonna sing a track for Lebron?/This is on behalf of Deshawn/But for real though this is only half of the bomb" - Pro'verb


I'm furious over Game 4 on Sunday. The team looked flat throughout long stretches of the game, the crowd left a lot to be desired (with the notable exception of section 220, where Made 'em Jump threw more profanities at Queen James than there are in a Wu-Tang album) and we fucking lost. By 3. Who beat us? Conventional wisdom would lead you to think Lebron beat us, but knowing he can only beat us by taking 9 steps to the basket, he instead chose to let DMV native Delonte West hit the game winner.

Well, game 5 is in Cleveland tomorrow night, and once again, David Stern has shat on us with a 6 pm start time. Another sneaky sleight of hand move by Stern to tip the scales in Cleveland's favor, knowing full well that we here in DC have real jobs that at times require us to work past 6, where as the Cleveland retards get to leave work whenever their factory steam whistles blow or whenever Drew Carey tells them to. I guess this means we can now officially blame the decline of The Price is Right on Cleveland as well.

So, as I'm sure everyone has heard, Jay-Z decided to take time out of his busy schedule (being an active communist, mimicking Michael Jordan by returning for mediocrity instead of leaving on top, collagen lip injections every hour on the hour, running Def Jam into the ground) to write a rap about Deshawn Stevenson to the beat of "Blow the Whistle" which I find hilariously ironic. Jay-Z? Really? C'mon S Dot, the man's name is Lebron James not Lebron Carter. For real though, I thought Lebron has stated time and time again that there is no rivalry. If this is such a non issue to Lebron, then why did he have to bother HOV to do his dirty work for him? Not only that, if Cleveland really did have his back, some rapper from Cleveland would've come to his defense before he had to call in favors. That's how real cities do it. Although I've never heard of him, big ups to Pro'verb for repping the DMV hard. Unlike some other local establishment.

Just like everyone has been talking/writing about the newest rap/basketball feud, there's been a decent ammount of buzz surrounding Deshawn's flagrant on the Queen in game 4. Here's what LeBitch had to say about it:
"I definitely saw DeShawn coming but I didn't know that he hit me with a closed fist until one of my teammates told me. If we were on the park, something definitely would have escalated. If we was on the park where I grew up playing a lot of basketball, something would have happened. But I guess that's what they want to do. They want to hurt LeBron James. It's not going to work."
First of all, Deshawn's hand wasn't closed at any point. Yeah it was a hard foul, but if you're going to swing to try and block Lebron getting to the hole, you better swing hard. He was clearly swiping at the ball and caught Lebron in the head. It happens. Second of all, something would have escalated? Like what, have Jay-Z write a song about it? Third of all, who the fuck does he think he is talking in the third person, Deion Sanders? It actually wouldn't surprise me if that were his role model. That's the kind of behavior I expect out of someone who lets their 3 year old child listen to songs about supermanning hoes. And last but not least, "They want to hurt Lebron James. It's not going to work"? I'm pretty sure it looks like he's severely bruised his vagina everytime he's bitching to the refs about his non calls. He's like the Alberto Gilardino of the NBA with all this gay ass acting and diving. Don't say it's not gonna work if you're gonna act injured every time you're on the floor. That's gotta be some type of hypocrisy.

Seriously though, this whole feud has just gone way too far, and the only logical conclusion to it would be either a Wiz series victory, or Deshawn being charged with felony assault when he kicks the Queen's teeth down his throat. I'm smelling a lot of Bitchassedness being blown in off the southern shores of Lake Erie. Here's (hopefully) to a victory in game 5.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Terrorists Have Won


Well...that's it boys...time to come home from Iraq and Afghanistan...no sense in fighting any more...the terrorists have won...those weasel commi-nazi pricks have managed to infiltrate the good ol' U.S. of A. with two of their most lethal karate ninja agents...

our only salvation lies in the hope that this Lincoln Memorial in this photo is actually one of those Olin Mills' backgrounds of the 1980s.

After some careful analysis, I am beginning to doubt the authenticity of this photo. Anyone who has ever been to Chocolate City knows that leaves on trees = 98 degrees (sans the Lachey bros.) and 95% humidity. Thus making Spencer's sweatshirt thoroughly implausible.

Holy Sweaty Man-Tits Batman





In Other News:

Fuck you Sean Penn...
I called "dibs" on Sienna like three years ago. You've sexed your fair share of bad bitches...now it's time to share the wealth with established media moguls like us here at Made 'em Jump.
P.S. Coachella sucks donkey dick and should be fire-bombed next year to take out all those bastard hipster duffoses...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Day Is Upon Us


It's the morning before game four and I don't think the four people who write this blog have been more fired up for a professional sporting event ... ever. We'll post a recap of the game and our experience in the coming days. If for some reason we can't, the court papers of our arrests should depict it quite accurately. Your days are numbered, Cleveland. Sooner, rather than later, The Cavs will be bounced from the play-offs and you'll be reduced to talking about Rick Vaughn, Jake Taylor and the sorry as Indians once again.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Beat 'Em Like They Stole Something

"Step into my office cause it's time for you to roll somethin/One false move, and we gon' beat you like you stole somethin" - Xzibit


Holy Shit. I'm still numb from the beatdown we laid last night. 36 point victory, I'm not sure there's much more I can say about that than what has already been said. Lebron's overrated...blah blah blah...the Wiz have awesome barbers...blah blah blah....Gil's knee is bothering him....blah blah blah...Soulja Boy was actually in attendance. So since this game has already had the crap covered out of it, I'll just point out some of my own personal favorites from last night:
  • Caron-ic ripping Lebron on a jumper, then taking it coast to coast for the dunk (pictured above, dialogue is just from what I was able to hear through my TV.)
  • Caron-ic splitting the double team with a spin move then one hand double pumping a floater for the finish.
  • The Wiz feeding off the silly loud crowd at the VC:

  • The Locksmith drilling back to back 3's on Queen James then not feeling his face.
  • Andray Blatche possibly registering the first volleyball style kill in the box score for his 1st quarter block that had to have gotten into the 10th row.
  • The VC being whited out.
  • Nick Young's fade, definitely not Nick Young's play.
  • Caron-ic's Anthony Mason-esque haircut (Click on the pic for a larger version):
  • And finally, my favorite part of game 3 was something they showed multiple replays of on the CSN broadcast, and is something I feel kinda epitomizes the Wiz and how awesome (read: G'd up) they really are. Early in the second half, the Wiz were running the fast break and shockingly enough Haywood was out in front. He got the ball passed to him just as he was getting to the post, drew the defense and then turned and kicked the ball out to a wide open Locksmith in the corner for a 3. This next part is what made me realize that this is a big part of why I love this team. Deshawn drained it, skipped back down the court doing the Yayo dance, did the jumping back bump with Caron and then they both ran down the court mean mugging every Cav.

    Most.
    Gangster.
    Team.
    Ever.

    That play can be seen at about the 1:10 mark here.

So, game 4 is on Sunday at 1, a good portion of the Made 'em Jump braintrust will be in attendance, whited out. You'll know you're close to our section when you start to see mother's covering their children's ears. Let's even this bitch at 2 and head back to the Mistake by the Lake like we own these beat ass nerds.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Don't Talk to Us

In response to the hundreds of reader e-mails we have received over the past few days, your editors would like to issue a brief statement:

DON'T TALK TO US RIGHT NOW!

Things kinda suck in Choco City at the moment. We are longing for the halcyon days of last Friday, when we thought:

The Wiz wouldn't shit the bed in Cleveland.....TWICE!! (Ed. Note: We still have faith that the Wiz will take games 3 and 4 at home to even the series)

We had faith that the Calzaghe-Hopkins fight would be good. It wasn't.
In fact it SUCKED....HARD!! We're convinced that the Welsh teach fighters how to slap box rather than throw punches.

Not to mention the gut wrenching loss the Caps suffered last night in OT of game 7.

We're feeling sorry for ourselves and can't summon the commitment to post on a regular basis. So in true Made 'Em Jump style, we would like to pass a bit of advice on to our readers:

"Go fack ya'self Jahmaine!"

Friday, April 18, 2008

Television: Teacher, Mother...Secret Lover

To say your editors at Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland are excited for television viewing tomorrow is a bit of an understatement. There are a few hoops games on the tele where we may have a minor rooting interest:

Washington-Cleveland12:30 PM ET ESPN
Phoenix-San Antonio3:00 PM ET ABC
Dallas-New Orleans7:00 PM ET ESPN
Utah-Houston9:30 PM ET ESPN

All match-ups feature some intriguing story lines

The Wiz-Cavs series has been well documented on this site.

The Spurs-Suns tie, promises to pass judgement on the wisdom Meistro Kerr displayed in bringing the Big Cactus to Phoenix.

Dallas-N.O. The perfect time for Cuban and Dirk to finally come out of the closet...



Utah-Houston Intriguing because it's on T.V. and gives your editors a reason to ignore their (possibly made-up)girlfriends, drink more beers than is socially acceptable and put pizza down our pants! (what?)

After a full slate of afternoon basketball, your editors will be beligerent beyond belief. What better nightcap than a brawl between Welshman Joe Calzaghe and sr. statesmen/badass B-Hop. Expect boxing to be revived by this fight. It's Black vs. White; USA vs. Europe; Chest Hair vs. Nair. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

(B-Hop theorizes on the practicality of cold fusion)

We'd spend more time dissecting this fight, but it's been a long week at work and the Sam Summer Ale is calling our name. Enjoy the viewing tomorrow and remember that Queen James may put up 40...but he still has to go home to Cleveland. SUCKAH!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Love it when you call me.....IL PAPA

Today is a big day in Chocolate City....
The leader of the Holy See is in town and will be holding mass in Souf-Eeest's newest crack den: Nationals Park.

You can count on three things today:

- Numerous Marion Barry sightings
- Will Thomas making baby jebus cry
- A lot of sweaty Cat-licks on the Metro (It's going to be a hot one in D.C. today)

In preparation for today's events, we here at Made 'em Jump Like Rod Strickland have been dranking holy water for the past month. Those Aquafina commercials don't even come close to depicting how good we feel.

Your editors of this esteemed site would like to welcome the Pontiff, his pointy hat and the pope mobile to our lovely city.

Now if you would excuse us, we must get back to milking this king cobra in preparation for tonight's snake handlers service. (The official religion of your editors Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

So Long Old Friends, You'll Be Missed...


Well...there it is...it's over...The final ep (what we in the bidness call an episode) of "Rob & Big" aired last night, and it was glorious.


Rob y Big stole our hearts over the course of two seasons with talk of man-pons, dusty horse doodoo, time travel, and Uncle Jerry...


I'd fully eulogize the show, but I am still too broken up.
In lieu of flowers, I ask that you make a donation to the "Invite Rod Strickland to My Birthday Party Fund". Please make checks payable to Agent Beero c/o Johnny Merchandise.

Sweet Jebus, He's Still Alive??

I would have laid good money down on the fact that Sisqo was dead...

Don't I feel foolish...well...actually not...because unlike Sisqo, I don't live in a box, turn tricks with guys in Miami, or appear to have a club foot...

I would also like to note how much Sisqo looks like Tek from "The Real World: Hawaii".

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Moon Pies and a Cure for Syphilis - What a Time to Be Alive...

Oh, thank the sweet heavens above...and just when I thought I'd have to live with those unsightly sores forever...

Why God Invented Cluster Bombs and 'Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerators'


Gangster, Gangster

If there was ever a reason to want to kill hundreds of innocent people so that you could take out three key targets, this would be it...

Sorry Nikki from Paramus, NJ. I know it was your dream to be on TRL, but your death was for the good of the country...I apologize Chastity from Long Island, I know you had a bright future married to a douche with spikey hair who wears child-sized shirts, but it was for the cause...

Who's Your Daddy: Wizards Playoff Preview

"I ain't a killa but don't push me/ Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy" - Tupac Shakur


Well, the seedings are set. Cavs #4, Bullets #5 thanks to the Tim Donaghy gambinos hosing the Sixers last night in Philly. I'll only touch on this a little bit, but did anyone else see that CLE PHL game last night? The refs essentially handed Cleveland a win by whistling a foul with .2 on the clock with Philly up 1. Not only that, they went to review it in instant replay, and had to call the Sixers back on the floor so the free throws could be shot. Terrible officiating considering they let the Queen hop scotch down the lane with a few too many steps before Dalembert threw a block party, then completely ignored the fact that Ilgauskas gave Dalembert a fore arm shiver into Devin Brown for the foul. So basically with the blow of a whistle with .2 on the clock, the Wiz are locked into #5, the Sixers drop into #7 for good, and the Cavs get away with highway robbery again for home court advantage in the first round. We already knew that it would be Cavs Bullets in the first round, but now we know that the series will open in The Mistake by the Lake sometime this weekend. Way to let an important game be decided by the players David Stern. Who's your daddy? Oh that's right, it's Lebron.

So, for the third straight year, it'll be Cavs Bullets in the first round. In 2006, we were beaten by the Lebron James hype machine as he cheated his way to a 4-2 series victory. In 2007, we lost Caron and Gil at the beginning of April and the Cavs swept a shell of a Wizards team (Although big ups to Jamison for trying to carry the load by himself) out of the playoffs. In 2008, that shit ain't happening again. And here's why:
  • That Ben Wallace trade was the worst thing the Cavs could've done. You basically traded away your second and third scoring options in Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden for Bruce Bowen's punching bag and an over the hill Ben Wallace. I'll gladly let Queen James average 40 pts a game this series, because who else is going to score on that team? Did anyone else see Ben Wallace rim check himself on a wide open two handed dunk vs. Chicago two weeks ago? Priceless.
  • This isn't the same Wiz team the Cavs have played the last two years. Everyone's finally (semi) healthy, Haywood is having a career year, no one on the Cavs can defend Twan's playground game, Caron's developed into a prime time player, Gil's the best 6th man in the league, Blatche didn't get gatted this year, and we finally have a bench that's deep enough and capable of holding down the fort while the starters rest. The Cavs? Uh, they have some dude named "Boobie" coming off their bench, they traded their best offensive role players for 4.8 ppg, and they're from Ohio. That's what we call a lose, lose, lose situation.
  • Eddie Jordan > Mike Brown. No one has talked about it, but Eddie Jordan should be a COY candidate. He took a team that went 41-41 last season with the core of their team healthy for most of the year, and turned them into a potential 44-38 team with Gilbert missing 65+ games and Caron sitting out 20+. While we're at it, Ernie Grunfeld > Danny Ferry. As a GM and as a human.
  • Gilbert was for real about coming off the bench. If you've watched him since he's made his return, he is being limited to about 20-25 minutes a game, but is still being effective. Dropping dimes first, then dropping jumpers. Also, if you watched him take over the 4th quarter vs. Philly on Saturday night, you know this dude still has that fire in him. When he comes off the bench, it's going to be laughable watching someone on Cleveland's second team try and check him.
  • Lebron is Overrated
  • Phil and Buck are on our side
  • Lebron's semi-retarded. When asked about the pending first round matchup with the Wiz, this was his response: "I wanted to play someone else, but if we have to play somebody, I'm glad it's Washington." I wasn't an English major in college, but how does that even make sense? Let's quickly break down that quote. "I wanted to play someone else..." Ok that part makes sense, you didn't want to see the Wiz in the first round. "...but if we have to play somebody..." Hey dummy, you made the playoffs, of course you're going to have to play someone. "...I'm glad it's Washington." WTF? Didn't you just say seven words earlier that you wanted to play someone else? My head hurts trying to make sense of this.
  • Lebron and Damon Jones are clearly more than friends:
What do you know, that actually turned out to be another installment of bullets on the Bullets. So what's my final say? Bullets over Cavs in 6. I think we'll take one from them in Cleveland in the first two, and then let them hang around and win another game so we can finish them in the Phone Booth in game 6. Best believe we here at Made 'em Jump will be in attendance for at least a couple of the home games, and potentially take a road trip to Cleveland for one of the road games. This is the year we take out Lebron and his merry band of dickriders. THERE'S NO WHERE TO HIDE THIS YEAR SON!


Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Friday, April 11, 2008

Sic Semper Eastern Conference Foes: More Bullets on the Bullets

"

Sic Semper Eastern Conference Foes. Roughly translated "This is what will happen to all Eastern conference foes." God I love Virginia. Once again I was forced to take a hiatus from writing posts due to work load issues at my paying job, executive producing MILF Island. Now that the season finale aired last night I'll have some more time on my hands. What better way to come back than to do another session of bullets on the Bullets (and this time a couple of other DC Sports related notes) :

  • GILBERT IS BACK: To all those haters who said that Gil was bullshitting when he said he'd come back off the bench and be an assist man, well, to put it in the words of Ty Webb, your uncle molests collies. In three games back, Gil's been putting up 14.3 points and 4.3 assists in just under 22 minutes a game. Forget the points, 4.3 dimes in 20-ish minutes? Not too shabby Agent Zero.
  • WIZARDS PLAYOFF PUSH: Four games left in the season, @DET, PHL, IND and @ORL. We're two games behind Queen James and his merry band of dick riders for the 4 seed, a game in front of Illadelphia for the 6 seed and two games in front of America Jr.'s Team for the 7 seed. Not so sure we're going to be able to make up two games with four left to take the 4th seed, although that would be ideal. As for the opponents left, Detroit looks like they've already packed it up and are severely limiting their stars' minutes, Indy is making a late playoff push, but it looks to be too little too late, and hopefully Orlando tanks it in the last game of the season. Philly tomorrow night is of the utmost importance. Win that one, and we'll hopefully lock up the 5 seed and a date with the Queen.
  • WIZ BEAT CELTICS......AGAIN: Thank God we handled our bidness and won this important one. If there's one NBA team I dislike more than the Cavs, it would have to be the Celtics. I've always hated the Celtics, but all the recent sports success in Boston has taken it to a new level. If I have to hear one more shitty accent about the Sox, the Pats or the Celtics, that Boston fan is going to get Paul Pierce'd. I must admit though, after reading this, it seems that half the C's fans have a grip on reality (EJPLAYA, you're welcome in the DMV anytime), the other half are drinking the Doc Rivers Kool-Aid (I'm looking your way Frontierboy.) The only time you'll ever hear a fake Boston accent pass through my lips, is when I appropriately call anyone named Todd, "Re-Todd." On a semi related note, big ups to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for calling out the Pats while paying homage to Stand and Deliver all in one blow. HOW DO I REACH THESE KEEEDZ?!?!?!
  • CAPS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS: Well, I don't watch hockey, I've been to one game and I find it hard to follow the puck when I watch it on TV, but hey, this is a Chocolate City sports team so we gotta cover it. The last time the Wiz and Caps were in the playoffs at the same time, we were the Bullets, we were both playing in USAir Arena when it was known as the Capital Centre, Sesame Street was still heterosexual, and I was 7 years old. God damn 1988 was a money year. While we're on the subject of the Caps, why do they get to switch back to red, white and blue, yet the Wiz can't? Can we start a petition to get our original colors back? YO PAUL LUCAS, GET AT ME SO WE CAN TALK AND MAKE MOVES SON.
  • DC UNITED MEDIOCRE: My boys holding it down in RFK have started the season kind of slow. Got murked in their first MLS game of the season, won their MLS home opener in convincing fashion, and then couldn't overcome a 2 goal aggregate deficit at RFK on Wednesday night to get knocked out of the Champions' Cup. Ben Olsen is still out too, recovering from ankle surgery in the off season. He must be the (chest/facial) hair to DC United's Samson.
  • LARRANAGA STAYS IN THE DMV: My man Coach L turned down the head coaching gig at his alma mater Providence in favor of signing a contract extension with Mason through the 2014-2015 season. To top that off, Feinstein wrote a money piece on Coach L in the Post this week. From everything I hear, President Merten had a HUGE part in keeping Coach L, as did the AD. That's the athletic department, certainly not the athletic director.
I think I covered everything I wanted to, with the notable exception of my dissertation on Brendan Haywood, including in depth scientific analysis of whether his head is filled with caramel or malted milk, if pulling hair in a fight is in fact a bitch move, as well as a beautifully rendered venn diagram highlighting the pros and cons of the two handed dunk being the most potent move in your arsenal. Me thinks that'll have to wait for a post of its own. Lastly, let's raise our glasses and toast the return of 30 Rock and The Office last night, my sister introducing me to the wonder that is Pandora Radio, and me winning an authentic Rod Strickland Wizards jersey on eBay.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Who Ya Got? -- We Hate The Celtics Edition

In honor of the Wizards' big win over the Celtics, we're bringing you a special "Who Ya Got?" For those of you who don't know who Brian Scalabrine is ... don't worry. He got about a minute of playing time in the game, missed a layup and was up on the "kiss cam" on the Verizon Center jumbotron. So, who ya got? Brian Scalabrine -- the worst red headed basketball player I have ever seen or Patrick Renna -- the thespian that played "The Great Hambino" in "The Sandlot."
PS -- I can't wait to see Caron match up with Paul Pierce in the Eastern Conference Finals.

'Dem Georgia Boys, Greenery and Cash $$$


Admit it, judging by the title you thought this post was about: The OutKast smoking Bob Marley blunts at the the infamous Atlanta Gold Club while making it rain.

Well ....it's not, but Davis Love III has been mistaken for Big Boi on more than one occasion! (They've agreed not wear their "killer teeth" at the same time to prevent future confusion.)


On to business - The Masters starts tomorrow with the beloved Par 3 Contest. For those of you unfamiliar with the Par 3 Contest: its held on a seperate 9-hole track. No winner has ever won the main event in the same year. This year marks the first time the contest will be aired on television, which ensures two important TV records will be set:



  1. Most shots of spoiled children of wealthy "athletes" prancing around in designer clothing on the hallowed grounds of Augusta;

  2. Most Gratuitous pics of Elin Nordegren, Amy Mickelson and other hottie WAGs:


This little bun-bun is Sonya Toms, wifey of David Toms. Did we mention that we hate golfers?

Since we have now fulfilled the mission statement of Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland Sports, Boobs and Dope Ryhmes...

This post comes to a close with some advice: If you are a gambling man, and we certainly are, bet on Tiger to win the tourney. If you are looking for a good "first-half bet" like a certain contributor to this think-tank, take John Daly. Getting his breasts massaged has to be good for something right?



Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Local Boy Makes Good...Federal Suspect...ZING!!!


Alright...so we need to dance around this a bit to keep our velvet-lined cloak of anonymity intact...here goes nothing...

So the Dallas Morning News is reporting that NFL player Matt Lehr, who your boys have a connection with, is being investigated by federal authorities in North Texas for "allegedly" distributing steroids. The Lehr Bear, who used to play for the Cowboys among other teams, was suspended in 2006 for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy.

So let's see...the guy has already been suspended for 4 games by the NFL in 2006...he used to play for those classy, classy upstanding gents in Hotlanta...there is no way that - in our opinion - Lehr is Ganking Underaged Illegal Ladies Tatas, Ya heard. You hear that America?? Our opinion is that he's not GUILTY!

Forgiverness Prease...

So we haven't posted in almost a week...but we swear to U-God that we have a legit reason...

We were just too caught up in seeing our namesake on tv more than we have since he left the Wiz...



...or we just got lazy and fell asleep a lot...either way, we're semi-sorry...and we kinda promise to never do that again...sorta

Wednesday, April 2, 2008