Monday, November 24, 2008

You Know This Is Eddie, Not Michael, Right?

"Hey, never mind what haters say, ignore 'em 'til they fade away/Amazin they ungrateful after all the game I gave away" - T.I.

Un-fucking-believable. I got an e-mail from a friend of mine this morning, and all it said was "Eddie got fired." I quickly shot back an e-mail explaining that we just signed this man to an extension, how the 1-10 start isn't his fault, how he's over achieved every year Gilbert's been hurt, and how it's impossible that the Wiz could be that stupid. Well. Here we are.

Clearly I've been emotionally sideswiped with this 1-10 start, and that's the best reason I can give for not posting since my plea to McGee to not be anoter steaming hot pile of shit of a draft pick (which he's not, he's actually pretty good, but that's for another post.) I'm pretty dumbfounded right now, but let's be honest, Eddie wasn't the problem. I've been reading the comments on the Post article I linked to, and people are saying it was his poor substitutions and lack of developing young talent that did him in. That's bullshit. You can't develop young talent if you don't have any. Who have we drafted since EJ's been here? Arvis Hayes, Steve Blake, Party John, Gat-a-Tat Blatche, Pech, Young, Mcguire and McGee. Jared Jeffries and Dixon came the year before he was hired. Look at those 11 names. Six of those guys are still on the team, 4 still on their original contracts, and most of them I wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot pole if they were free agents. The only reasonably promising ones in my book are McGee and Blatche, but that's under the assumption that Blatche can leave the hookers and whores alone, and that'll probably be proven to be a gross assumption. Jury's still out on Nick Young. If he can learn to shoot a normal jumper instead of wide open fade aways then maybe we can talk. The rest of them? Well, they rival the Calbert Cheaney, Gugliotta, LaBradford Smith, Tom Hammonds run of the late 80s/early 90s. Almost mirror them exactly in the sense that there was plenty of promise, absolutely zero production, and ultimately the biggest highlight is the hilariously akward antics of a white guy attempting to fit in with his teammates (Gugs/Pech.)

If I don't stop writing now, this will eventually turn into a 67 page short non fiction work on the shortcomings of the Washington Bullets franchise over the last 25 years. So, long story short, Wiz front office is filled with retards. I only know one person who has worked for that organization in the last decade, so Jerome, I'm blaming you for this. Ed Tappscott will be taking over for the interim. My head is going to explode.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

P.S. Thanks for the great seasons EJ. You made me proud to be a Wiz fan again and at the very least, made us one of the most entertaining teams in the league year after year. You didn't deserve this, but I hope you land on your feet somewhere. Unfortunately it won't be here.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Fuck You Chad Ford

"Either you're slangin' crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot." - B.I.G.

So, it's been a couple months since I've posted. I've been committed at least a dozen times to try and cope with the Wiz's untimely exit from the playoffs, and after the 13th opinion on my psychiatric health, the state has deemed me healthy(-ish) enough to return to blogging. Well, not really. I just drowned my sorrows in an ocean of HOBs, Patron and Parliaments, from which I'm just surfacing now. Smelling awesome. Luckily I came up for air just in time for the greatest hood fashion show outside of the "ghetto prom" e-mail; the NBA Draft.

I'd imagine one of the hardest things to do as a sports journalist, is to create a mock draft that people can take seriously. Keep in mind I use that phrase sports journalism very loosely, as I'm about to talk about the one and only Chad Ford. I usually go visit the Chad Ford fueled mock drafts regularly, for nothing more than laughs. Remember, C-Fizzle was the guy who swore up and down that Darko was going to be better than Carmelo. (Does anyone else realize that Kwame and Darko are both on the Grizzlies now? That my friends, is what we in the biz refer to as the perfect storm . . . of awfulness.) Let's take a quick look at Ford's assessment of the Pistons pick after the 2003 draft:

Ford's Take: Darko is really one of a kind. He runs the floor, handles the ball, shoots the NBA 3 and plays with his back to the basket, so you can slot him in at the 3, 4 or 5 positions. OK, a few other guys can do that too; what sets Darko apart is his toughness in the post. You have to love a guy who has the footwork to spin by an opponent but still prefers to lower a shoulder and bang. Fact is, Milicic plays in attack-mode at both ends of the floor. The more you push, the more he pushes back. While he won't be asked to carry the Pistons, he's capable of doing this earlier than you think.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sweet Jesus, do I need to say anything else? I've never seen Darko do anything that remotely resembles:

1) Lowering a shoulder and banging
2) Spinning by an opponent
3) Toughness
4) Running the floor (in his defense, you have to be on the floor to run it.)
5) Playing any numerical position other than 11 or 12

Oh Chad Ford, you should really consider a career in comedy. You probably typed that entire paragraph without even cracking a smile. You're composure and dedication to the art of the punchline is an inspiration to us all. Wait, you were serious about that? That was . . . awkward.

So about a month ago, when mock draft 1.0 was published, I thought nothing of the fact that Ford had the greatest team this side of the Mississippi drafting some dude named Javale McGee. It frustrated me when he continued to project us taking McGee in mock drafts 2.0 - 4.0, and I even thought he was mailing it in since he hadn't changed his analysis of McGee in the first 4 predictions. Then last night happened, and the almighty Chad Ford flexed his prognosticating muscle when Fuhrer Stern stepped up to the podum and announced the Wiz had indeed drafted said Javale McGee.

I'll be honest, I don't know much about Javale McGee, except that the above picture scares me. He's got that Kwame Brown "I don't know what city/state/country I'm in" look about his face., which is usually a credible source has compared him to Andrew Bynum/Patrick O'Bryant. Spec-fucking-tacular. So he'll either be hurt for the whole season, or I'll have never heard of him. But since he'll be donning the blue and gold, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. And, as always, the Made 'em Jump brain-trust has found multiple positives out of all of this:

A) He's not Roy Hibbert
B) He's neither Lopez (Robot or Sideshow Bob varieties)
C) He's neither Kwame or Kwameeri Brown
D) He doesn't look like DJ Qualls unlike a certain Sexy Oleksiy character
E) Our draft this year didn't look like this. Or this. And especially not this. That just cost me two weeks of nightmare free sleep.

Javale, Choco-bot city needs a big man, so let's hope you're going to be our guy. And hey, if you're not eating Popeye's 3 times a day, wearing suits once and throwing them out, or bringing your own french dressing to four star restaurants, you're already doing better than the Wiz's highest pick of the 21st century. I know the rookie bar is set high in DC, but we're all rooting for you.

In other draft news, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Knicks continued their long standing tradition of disappointing their pissed off fans by drafting some Italian who's father played with D'Antoni in Italy. The Knicks fan responded in kind by continuing their longstanding tradition of booing and being assholes to anyone that'll listen. Michael Jordan continues to challenge Isiah Thomas as the biggest "player turned retard front office guy" by drafting an undersized point guard he doesn't need. It takes a special talent to undermine Raymond Felton's confidence and guarantee you're team will continue to be the only franchise to never make the playoffs all in one draft night move. Michael Jordan, I applaud you. And last but not least, Pat Riley sobered up and took Michael Beasley instead of OJ Mayo.

Since it's been so long, here's a couple other sports related tidbits from the last couple of months:
Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Monday, June 23, 2008

While We Were Sleeping...

Well, I'm going to take my turn at trying to resusitate this slowly dying blog. Well, "dying" may be a little too extreme -- let's just say it's on it's way back to Poochy's home planet. In all seriousness, I would say that the four of us have been busy trying to absorb what's been a great sports month before the duldrums of July, when the only thing on TV is Major League Baseball and reruns of Magnum PI. So let's recap some important things that have happened in the past week ish.

1) Some guy named Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open. Oh yea, he did it with a broken leg. I can't speak for the other three Made Em Jump Contributors, but I was pulling for Rocco Mediate, who forced Tiger to go 91 holes before claiming his third Open title. For me Rocco vs. Tiger would be like this Web site trying to compete with the D.C. Sports Bog or The Junkies when it comes to covering D.C. sports. Basically, there was no chance in hell. They have talent, we don't. They have thousands of adoring fans, we don't. And while they're getting legitimate access at events like Wizards games, we are in the 400 level, trying to look for people who left behind their Buck and Phil bobbleheads. That being said, Rocco gave a gutty effort. In fact, his performance propelled him to number three on our favorite golfers list behind Boo Weekley and John Daly. That's not a joke. It's funny, but not a joke.

2) It's the semi-finals of Euro 08 and there haven't been any major riots ... yet. All in all, it's been a great tournament. This Wednesday, Germany will take on Turkey in the first semi-final. Then, Thursday, Spain plays Russia. If I was a betting man, which I most certainly am, I would empty out the old 401k and bet it on Germany beating Turkey. The other final is slightly less clear, but I'll take Russia in extra time.

3) It hasn't happened yet, but Saturday the Wiz will get the 18th pick in the NBA draft. I've seen a lot of mock drafts that have the Wiz taking a variety of people from Robin Lopez to Roy Hibbert. Most people seem to have them taking a big man. Personally, I am hoping WVU's Joe Alexander falls to 18, however I doubt we'll be that luck.

4) In response to your emails, we have not seen any more pictures of Topanga making out with other chicks. We'll keep ya posted on that one.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

What? Que? Ce Qui?.....She dates Who?

That settles it....I'm asking for shin guards for my birthday.

The piece of premium "Grade A" British beef to your right is Abby Clancy. She dates English stork, goofball and dynamite dancer (see below) - Peter Crouch.

This post was sponsored by the lovely Chardonnay that I housed at dinner and the convo I had with Agent Beer-o on the hardwood last night (We had just finished hustling "Party John" Ramos and his latest NBDL team).

Ma'ma. Want to touch the heiney.....

The Giant Woman Will Devour Us All!!!

Holy Crap...Man, Britney sure has gotten big...


3/4 Boner Jam Steez

Be still my beating heart...
It would be a 100% boner jam if Estelle Getty was there...but apparently suffering from dementia is a legit reason to skip out on public apperances and break my heart...
In other news, Blanche is still silly...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Breaking News - Germany Invades Poland....AGAIN

UEFA Euro 2008 kicked-off yesterday in Basel, Switzerland. Much of Made 'Em Jump's readership (read: basement dwelling perverts), may not be aware of the Euro footy tourney. Well allow us to shed some light:

Occurs every four years similar to the World Cup
  • Consists entirely of European Nations
Sweet Nicknames: Les Blues, Clockwork Orange and the Faggy Ronaldos

and provides a cornucopia of drunken Euro Babe pics - Fah'kin Sweet Brah!

Not to mention the continental resentment for Germany's past transgressions (WWII, Holocaust, Falco and Haselhoff) comes bubbling to the surface. The Dutch hate the Germans, the Polish hate the Germans, the French hate the Germans and the Italians can't be bothered with anything but Young jerseys and massive amounts of gel in their collective hair.

The World Wide Leader is broadcasting games in high definition on ESPN2 and ESPN Classic for the duration of the tournament. If you are at all interested in soccer, but don't know too much about the game...use this feast of footy to pop your viewing cherry. You won't be disappointed.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Wrath of Rider.

On May 15, 2008, at 10:29 pm EST, your editors of Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland made the gravest error of our careers.

A little context: It was nearly two weeks after the 'Zards exit from the playoffs. We were still a wee-bit salty, but had recovered to the point where we could actually oogle some biddies. The braintrust decided that it was time to start posting on this here blog again. We were all a tizzy trying decide what boneriffic material we should start with first. Lo and behold we stumble across some hot Topanga lesbo action. Since we all made man mustard to that nerdy vixen back in the day....we thought it was the perfect post to announce the rededication of Made 'Em Jump.

What we didn't count on was: the Wrath of Rider Strong.

Shorlty after we posted "Boner Jams '94" we received an e-mail from a reader of the blog praising our: vim and vigor, it was signed Mr. Feeney. We found this to be hilarious and began to correspond with said reader....little did we know that "reader" was actually a pissed-off Rider Strong. The e-mail communication provided Rider all the information he needed to track us down and before we knew it, he was beating on the doors of the Made 'Em Jump Mansion.

The picture you see above was taken after Rider Strong bit the nose off our butler (Caron). We were shook to say the least. Rider ranted, raved and rampaged until we asked why he was so pissed, turns out he has some hot homo pics of his own that he wanted us to post:


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Boner Jams '94

Topanga was the big boobicaled nerd of all 13 year old boys' dreams...and now she has graduated to the dreams of 27 year olds...

Danielle Fishel aka Topanga aka Corey Matthews formerly banging girlfriend was recently photographed hooking up with some bias at a bar...way to be classy...I guess her Philly roots finally came through...

Monday, May 12, 2008

See, What had Happened Was....

It's been 10 days since our beloved Boullez choked on a fat one. We actually got out of bed this morning and used toilet paper for the first time (ever).
Don't rush us...we promise to post soon. You don't want us to unleash a flood of digital tears: they're unsightly and extremely corrosive to your computers.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Caron-ic Kills

"I'm the voice of this team and Antawn is the spiritual and emotional leader so unless you hear it from one of us, keep it moving." - Caron Butler managing to be professional and gully all at the same time.

What a road win. Gil shuts it down for the season an hour before tip, but that's all right because Caron put this team on his back for 32, 9 and 5 including the game winner on Lebron. Tough Juice came out and got hot right from the start, hitting everything, and I mean everything. Maybe his most impressive play of the game was pinning Wally on the sideline right in front of the scorer's table, taking a swipe at the ball and knocking it loose only for Wally to recover it, then sliding to the inside where Scerbs was turning to rip him again, taking the ball this time and sprinting down the open floor for the layup and the foul for the three point play. Maybe he did it for Abe Pollin, maybe he did it to prove you do your talking on the floor, or maybe he hit the game winner because of the fresh straw he was chewing, but regardless of the motivation, Caron led by example to bring the series back to the VC on Friday for game 6. You make a man proud to have you on our team Tough Juice.

Before I get carried away gushing over Caron's performance last night, let's take a moment to talk about the officiating of the game and the national media's (read: ESPN) near unhealthy obsession with Lebron. For anyone who's ever read a single post of mine, it's pretty damn clear that I am not a Lebron fan. As I've previously stated, while I respect the dude for his game and his unparalleled athleticism, I do not enjoy his constant bitching and moaning to the refs or the way he tries to act like the Wiz rivalry doesn't bother him when it clearly does. But after some long thought, I've realized that half of this isn't his fault. A good share of the blame needs to be put solely on ESPN and and TNT.

In next year's dictionary if you look up dick riding, you might see a picture of TNT's broadcasting crew. During that whole Songaila phantom punch incident (Which by the way was a result of them getting tangled up, not D-song taking a swing. Go here for the extensive breakdown. Nice work Pradamaster.), the TNT broadcast was all over it, saying Songaila should've been tossed for "throwing a punch." Before a replay is even shown, Albert is screaming "HE THREW A PUNCH AT HIM, HE'S GONE!!!!" It didn't really help out that Lebron was acting like he just got into a Kanye level car crash the way he was nursing that jaw. Then, when the refs give the old double tech to Deshawn and Sideshow Bob,
Cheryl Reggie Miller starts questioning why Deshawn's hand was close enough to Varejao for him to slap it away. REALLY? You can get tech'd for invading a dude's personal space? So I'll go ahead and blame this one on the officiating for making the call from the privacy of Lebron's ass, and the broadcasters for being able to still talk with Lebron's dick so far down their throats.

Immediately after the game last night, I got online to see what had to say about the win. What am I greeted with on their front page when it loads? This bullshit. The Cavs lose a closeout game at home, Lebron misses the winner and that's the picture you put up on the front page? The only consolation to that is any Cavs fan who missed the game probably went on ESPN and immediately thought they had won. If you went to a non biased sports site, like say CBS Sportsline (who coincidentally host the greatest online fantasy football leagues ever), you'd be greeted with a front page that truly represents what happened. If ESPN's front page antics weren't enough, they let it infiltrate their formerly credible Daily Dime article, by listing Lebron as "Wednesday's Best." Caron put up nearly identical numbers, shot 50% from the field and hit the game winner, yet Lebron, who shot a sparkling 38% was the best of the night? Is this for real? So, in Lebron's defense (I can't believe I just typed that) a lot of my hate towards him has been generated by the media and officiating more than things he himself has done.

But enough with the hate. Let's all celebrate a legendary performance by the man they call Tough Juice, sit back, and enjoy the fact that the ride's still going and the train is coming back to DC. Unfortunately for myself, I'll be on a plane during game 6, off to the land of tight pants and weird haircuts (read: Europe) so I'm going to have to leave it in the hands of the rest of the Made 'em Jump braintrust to cover our eventual game 7 victory.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

P.S. Lebron even travels in commercials.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and The Sad

"Bradley was sweet and kind and generous with his time, a remarkably patient man who never seemed to lose his temper, even when he was entitled to lose it." - John Feinstein


So the NFL draft was over the weekend. The Skins drafted a plethora of receiving talent including two top receiver prospects, the best TE in college football, and the punter of the year. However, I'd like to point out that their best pick for me was taking Colt Brennan at #182 overall in the sixth round. What's not to like about this guy? From a physical aspect, he looks like a character that would hang out in the lower cafeteria in my HS sticking kids up for their honey bun money, and let's be honest, that'll always be endearing to me. From a playing aspect, we're in need of a third string QB, he made it rain in Honolulu for three consecutive seasons, and he's practically made for the west coast offense. Finally, from a personal aspect, much like me, Brennan's taken on Hawaii as his adopted home state. So Colt, if you ever get terribly homesick for the islands while you're in the DMV, holla at your boy Agent Hiro and we can go grab some bento for lunch. Spam musabis > haole breakfast.


Remember in game 1 of the Wiz Cavs series where Lebron couldn't handle the hard fouls and retaliated against Blatche with an elbow to the face? Remember when the refs didn't do shit about it? Well, in their infinite wisdom, the NBA has assessed Lebron with a retroactive flagrant foul. So what does that mean for us? Absolutely nothing. If it had been correctly called during the game, it would've resulted in a free throw and possession. Instead, the NBA raises their hand, mutters "my bad" and apparently we just move on. Thanks dicks.


In some terribly sad news, soccer legend Gordon Bradley has passed away. A member of the national soccer hall of fame, Bradley will probably be remembered best for being a player coach of the Pele led NY Cosmos in the NASL in the '70s, coaching George Mason soccer for 16 years, and his color commentary work for DC United. As an avid soccer fan and George Mason alum, I'm pretty sad to hear this. I am however pretty happy to see that notable writers like John Feinstein have recognized how great of a man he was by writing a great piece on the NASL, Johan Cruyff and Gordon Bradley. Rest in peace Gordon.

Yours in somber blood,
Agent Hiro

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Blow The Whistle.....Cause Lebron Travelled Again

"Lil' Lebron gotta run to his pops/Like "Daddy, he was makin fun of the Roc"/What's next, he goin get a diss track from his mom/Is Beyonce gonna sing a track for Lebron?/This is on behalf of Deshawn/But for real though this is only half of the bomb" - Pro'verb

I'm furious over Game 4 on Sunday. The team looked flat throughout long stretches of the game, the crowd left a lot to be desired (with the notable exception of section 220, where Made 'em Jump threw more profanities at Queen James than there are in a Wu-Tang album) and we fucking lost. By 3. Who beat us? Conventional wisdom would lead you to think Lebron beat us, but knowing he can only beat us by taking 9 steps to the basket, he instead chose to let DMV native Delonte West hit the game winner.

Well, game 5 is in Cleveland tomorrow night, and once again, David Stern has shat on us with a 6 pm start time. Another sneaky sleight of hand move by Stern to tip the scales in Cleveland's favor, knowing full well that we here in DC have real jobs that at times require us to work past 6, where as the Cleveland retards get to leave work whenever their factory steam whistles blow or whenever Drew Carey tells them to. I guess this means we can now officially blame the decline of The Price is Right on Cleveland as well.

So, as I'm sure everyone has heard, Jay-Z decided to take time out of his busy schedule (being an active communist, mimicking Michael Jordan by returning for mediocrity instead of leaving on top, collagen lip injections every hour on the hour, running Def Jam into the ground) to write a rap about Deshawn Stevenson to the beat of "Blow the Whistle" which I find hilariously ironic. Jay-Z? Really? C'mon S Dot, the man's name is Lebron James not Lebron Carter. For real though, I thought Lebron has stated time and time again that there is no rivalry. If this is such a non issue to Lebron, then why did he have to bother HOV to do his dirty work for him? Not only that, if Cleveland really did have his back, some rapper from Cleveland would've come to his defense before he had to call in favors. That's how real cities do it. Although I've never heard of him, big ups to Pro'verb for repping the DMV hard. Unlike some other local establishment.

Just like everyone has been talking/writing about the newest rap/basketball feud, there's been a decent ammount of buzz surrounding Deshawn's flagrant on the Queen in game 4. Here's what LeBitch had to say about it:
"I definitely saw DeShawn coming but I didn't know that he hit me with a closed fist until one of my teammates told me. If we were on the park, something definitely would have escalated. If we was on the park where I grew up playing a lot of basketball, something would have happened. But I guess that's what they want to do. They want to hurt LeBron James. It's not going to work."
First of all, Deshawn's hand wasn't closed at any point. Yeah it was a hard foul, but if you're going to swing to try and block Lebron getting to the hole, you better swing hard. He was clearly swiping at the ball and caught Lebron in the head. It happens. Second of all, something would have escalated? Like what, have Jay-Z write a song about it? Third of all, who the fuck does he think he is talking in the third person, Deion Sanders? It actually wouldn't surprise me if that were his role model. That's the kind of behavior I expect out of someone who lets their 3 year old child listen to songs about supermanning hoes. And last but not least, "They want to hurt Lebron James. It's not going to work"? I'm pretty sure it looks like he's severely bruised his vagina everytime he's bitching to the refs about his non calls. He's like the Alberto Gilardino of the NBA with all this gay ass acting and diving. Don't say it's not gonna work if you're gonna act injured every time you're on the floor. That's gotta be some type of hypocrisy.

Seriously though, this whole feud has just gone way too far, and the only logical conclusion to it would be either a Wiz series victory, or Deshawn being charged with felony assault when he kicks the Queen's teeth down his throat. I'm smelling a lot of Bitchassedness being blown in off the southern shores of Lake Erie. Here's (hopefully) to a victory in game 5.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Terrorists Have Won

Well...that's it boys...time to come home from Iraq and sense in fighting any more...the terrorists have won...those weasel commi-nazi pricks have managed to infiltrate the good ol' U.S. of A. with two of their most lethal karate ninja agents...

our only salvation lies in the hope that this Lincoln Memorial in this photo is actually one of those Olin Mills' backgrounds of the 1980s.

After some careful analysis, I am beginning to doubt the authenticity of this photo. Anyone who has ever been to Chocolate City knows that leaves on trees = 98 degrees (sans the Lachey bros.) and 95% humidity. Thus making Spencer's sweatshirt thoroughly implausible.

Holy Sweaty Man-Tits Batman

In Other News:

Fuck you Sean Penn...
I called "dibs" on Sienna like three years ago. You've sexed your fair share of bad it's time to share the wealth with established media moguls like us here at Made 'em Jump.
P.S. Coachella sucks donkey dick and should be fire-bombed next year to take out all those bastard hipster duffoses...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Day Is Upon Us

It's the morning before game four and I don't think the four people who write this blog have been more fired up for a professional sporting event ... ever. We'll post a recap of the game and our experience in the coming days. If for some reason we can't, the court papers of our arrests should depict it quite accurately. Your days are numbered, Cleveland. Sooner, rather than later, The Cavs will be bounced from the play-offs and you'll be reduced to talking about Rick Vaughn, Jake Taylor and the sorry as Indians once again.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Beat 'Em Like They Stole Something

"Step into my office cause it's time for you to roll somethin/One false move, and we gon' beat you like you stole somethin" - Xzibit

Holy Shit. I'm still numb from the beatdown we laid last night. 36 point victory, I'm not sure there's much more I can say about that than what has already been said. Lebron's overrated...blah blah blah...the Wiz have awesome barbers...blah blah blah....Gil's knee is bothering him....blah blah blah...Soulja Boy was actually in attendance. So since this game has already had the crap covered out of it, I'll just point out some of my own personal favorites from last night:
  • Caron-ic ripping Lebron on a jumper, then taking it coast to coast for the dunk (pictured above, dialogue is just from what I was able to hear through my TV.)
  • Caron-ic splitting the double team with a spin move then one hand double pumping a floater for the finish.
  • The Wiz feeding off the silly loud crowd at the VC:

  • The Locksmith drilling back to back 3's on Queen James then not feeling his face.
  • Andray Blatche possibly registering the first volleyball style kill in the box score for his 1st quarter block that had to have gotten into the 10th row.
  • The VC being whited out.
  • Nick Young's fade, definitely not Nick Young's play.
  • Caron-ic's Anthony Mason-esque haircut (Click on the pic for a larger version):
  • And finally, my favorite part of game 3 was something they showed multiple replays of on the CSN broadcast, and is something I feel kinda epitomizes the Wiz and how awesome (read: G'd up) they really are. Early in the second half, the Wiz were running the fast break and shockingly enough Haywood was out in front. He got the ball passed to him just as he was getting to the post, drew the defense and then turned and kicked the ball out to a wide open Locksmith in the corner for a 3. This next part is what made me realize that this is a big part of why I love this team. Deshawn drained it, skipped back down the court doing the Yayo dance, did the jumping back bump with Caron and then they both ran down the court mean mugging every Cav.


    That play can be seen at about the 1:10 mark here.

So, game 4 is on Sunday at 1, a good portion of the Made 'em Jump braintrust will be in attendance, whited out. You'll know you're close to our section when you start to see mother's covering their children's ears. Let's even this bitch at 2 and head back to the Mistake by the Lake like we own these beat ass nerds.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Don't Talk to Us

In response to the hundreds of reader e-mails we have received over the past few days, your editors would like to issue a brief statement:


Things kinda suck in Choco City at the moment. We are longing for the halcyon days of last Friday, when we thought:

The Wiz wouldn't shit the bed in Cleveland.....TWICE!! (Ed. Note: We still have faith that the Wiz will take games 3 and 4 at home to even the series)

We had faith that the Calzaghe-Hopkins fight would be good. It wasn't.
In fact it SUCKED....HARD!! We're convinced that the Welsh teach fighters how to slap box rather than throw punches.

Not to mention the gut wrenching loss the Caps suffered last night in OT of game 7.

We're feeling sorry for ourselves and can't summon the commitment to post on a regular basis. So in true Made 'Em Jump style, we would like to pass a bit of advice on to our readers:

"Go fack ya'self Jahmaine!"

Friday, April 18, 2008

Television: Teacher, Mother...Secret Lover

To say your editors at Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland are excited for television viewing tomorrow is a bit of an understatement. There are a few hoops games on the tele where we may have a minor rooting interest:

Washington-Cleveland12:30 PM ET ESPN
Phoenix-San Antonio3:00 PM ET ABC
Dallas-New Orleans7:00 PM ET ESPN
Utah-Houston9:30 PM ET ESPN

All match-ups feature some intriguing story lines

The Wiz-Cavs series has been well documented on this site.

The Spurs-Suns tie, promises to pass judgement on the wisdom Meistro Kerr displayed in bringing the Big Cactus to Phoenix.

Dallas-N.O. The perfect time for Cuban and Dirk to finally come out of the closet...

Utah-Houston Intriguing because it's on T.V. and gives your editors a reason to ignore their (possibly made-up)girlfriends, drink more beers than is socially acceptable and put pizza down our pants! (what?)

After a full slate of afternoon basketball, your editors will be beligerent beyond belief. What better nightcap than a brawl between Welshman Joe Calzaghe and sr. statesmen/badass B-Hop. Expect boxing to be revived by this fight. It's Black vs. White; USA vs. Europe; Chest Hair vs. Nair. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

(B-Hop theorizes on the practicality of cold fusion)

We'd spend more time dissecting this fight, but it's been a long week at work and the Sam Summer Ale is calling our name. Enjoy the viewing tomorrow and remember that Queen James may put up 40...but he still has to go home to Cleveland. SUCKAH!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Love it when you call me.....IL PAPA

Today is a big day in Chocolate City....
The leader of the Holy See is in town and will be holding mass in Souf-Eeest's newest crack den: Nationals Park.

You can count on three things today:

- Numerous Marion Barry sightings
- Will Thomas making baby jebus cry
- A lot of sweaty Cat-licks on the Metro (It's going to be a hot one in D.C. today)

In preparation for today's events, we here at Made 'em Jump Like Rod Strickland have been dranking holy water for the past month. Those Aquafina commercials don't even come close to depicting how good we feel.

Your editors of this esteemed site would like to welcome the Pontiff, his pointy hat and the pope mobile to our lovely city.

Now if you would excuse us, we must get back to milking this king cobra in preparation for tonight's snake handlers service. (The official religion of your editors Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

So Long Old Friends, You'll Be Missed...

Well...there it's over...The final ep (what we in the bidness call an episode) of "Rob & Big" aired last night, and it was glorious.

Rob y Big stole our hearts over the course of two seasons with talk of man-pons, dusty horse doodoo, time travel, and Uncle Jerry...

I'd fully eulogize the show, but I am still too broken up.
In lieu of flowers, I ask that you make a donation to the "Invite Rod Strickland to My Birthday Party Fund". Please make checks payable to Agent Beero c/o Johnny Merchandise.

Sweet Jebus, He's Still Alive??

I would have laid good money down on the fact that Sisqo was dead...

Don't I feel foolish...well...actually not...because unlike Sisqo, I don't live in a box, turn tricks with guys in Miami, or appear to have a club foot...

I would also like to note how much Sisqo looks like Tek from "The Real World: Hawaii".

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Moon Pies and a Cure for Syphilis - What a Time to Be Alive...

Oh, thank the sweet heavens above...and just when I thought I'd have to live with those unsightly sores forever...

Why God Invented Cluster Bombs and 'Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerators'

Gangster, Gangster

If there was ever a reason to want to kill hundreds of innocent people so that you could take out three key targets, this would be it...

Sorry Nikki from Paramus, NJ. I know it was your dream to be on TRL, but your death was for the good of the country...I apologize Chastity from Long Island, I know you had a bright future married to a douche with spikey hair who wears child-sized shirts, but it was for the cause...

Who's Your Daddy: Wizards Playoff Preview

"I ain't a killa but don't push me/ Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy" - Tupac Shakur

Well, the seedings are set. Cavs #4, Bullets #5 thanks to the Tim Donaghy gambinos hosing the Sixers last night in Philly. I'll only touch on this a little bit, but did anyone else see that CLE PHL game last night? The refs essentially handed Cleveland a win by whistling a foul with .2 on the clock with Philly up 1. Not only that, they went to review it in instant replay, and had to call the Sixers back on the floor so the free throws could be shot. Terrible officiating considering they let the Queen hop scotch down the lane with a few too many steps before Dalembert threw a block party, then completely ignored the fact that Ilgauskas gave Dalembert a fore arm shiver into Devin Brown for the foul. So basically with the blow of a whistle with .2 on the clock, the Wiz are locked into #5, the Sixers drop into #7 for good, and the Cavs get away with highway robbery again for home court advantage in the first round. We already knew that it would be Cavs Bullets in the first round, but now we know that the series will open in The Mistake by the Lake sometime this weekend. Way to let an important game be decided by the players David Stern. Who's your daddy? Oh that's right, it's Lebron.

So, for the third straight year, it'll be Cavs Bullets in the first round. In 2006, we were beaten by the Lebron James hype machine as he cheated his way to a 4-2 series victory. In 2007, we lost Caron and Gil at the beginning of April and the Cavs swept a shell of a Wizards team (Although big ups to Jamison for trying to carry the load by himself) out of the playoffs. In 2008, that shit ain't happening again. And here's why:
  • That Ben Wallace trade was the worst thing the Cavs could've done. You basically traded away your second and third scoring options in Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden for Bruce Bowen's punching bag and an over the hill Ben Wallace. I'll gladly let Queen James average 40 pts a game this series, because who else is going to score on that team? Did anyone else see Ben Wallace rim check himself on a wide open two handed dunk vs. Chicago two weeks ago? Priceless.
  • This isn't the same Wiz team the Cavs have played the last two years. Everyone's finally (semi) healthy, Haywood is having a career year, no one on the Cavs can defend Twan's playground game, Caron's developed into a prime time player, Gil's the best 6th man in the league, Blatche didn't get gatted this year, and we finally have a bench that's deep enough and capable of holding down the fort while the starters rest. The Cavs? Uh, they have some dude named "Boobie" coming off their bench, they traded their best offensive role players for 4.8 ppg, and they're from Ohio. That's what we call a lose, lose, lose situation.
  • Eddie Jordan > Mike Brown. No one has talked about it, but Eddie Jordan should be a COY candidate. He took a team that went 41-41 last season with the core of their team healthy for most of the year, and turned them into a potential 44-38 team with Gilbert missing 65+ games and Caron sitting out 20+. While we're at it, Ernie Grunfeld > Danny Ferry. As a GM and as a human.
  • Gilbert was for real about coming off the bench. If you've watched him since he's made his return, he is being limited to about 20-25 minutes a game, but is still being effective. Dropping dimes first, then dropping jumpers. Also, if you watched him take over the 4th quarter vs. Philly on Saturday night, you know this dude still has that fire in him. When he comes off the bench, it's going to be laughable watching someone on Cleveland's second team try and check him.
  • Lebron is Overrated
  • Phil and Buck are on our side
  • Lebron's semi-retarded. When asked about the pending first round matchup with the Wiz, this was his response: "I wanted to play someone else, but if we have to play somebody, I'm glad it's Washington." I wasn't an English major in college, but how does that even make sense? Let's quickly break down that quote. "I wanted to play someone else..." Ok that part makes sense, you didn't want to see the Wiz in the first round. "...but if we have to play somebody..." Hey dummy, you made the playoffs, of course you're going to have to play someone. "...I'm glad it's Washington." WTF? Didn't you just say seven words earlier that you wanted to play someone else? My head hurts trying to make sense of this.
  • Lebron and Damon Jones are clearly more than friends:
What do you know, that actually turned out to be another installment of bullets on the Bullets. So what's my final say? Bullets over Cavs in 6. I think we'll take one from them in Cleveland in the first two, and then let them hang around and win another game so we can finish them in the Phone Booth in game 6. Best believe we here at Made 'em Jump will be in attendance for at least a couple of the home games, and potentially take a road trip to Cleveland for one of the road games. This is the year we take out Lebron and his merry band of dickriders. THERE'S NO WHERE TO HIDE THIS YEAR SON!

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Friday, April 11, 2008

Sic Semper Eastern Conference Foes: More Bullets on the Bullets


Sic Semper Eastern Conference Foes. Roughly translated "This is what will happen to all Eastern conference foes." God I love Virginia. Once again I was forced to take a hiatus from writing posts due to work load issues at my paying job, executive producing MILF Island. Now that the season finale aired last night I'll have some more time on my hands. What better way to come back than to do another session of bullets on the Bullets (and this time a couple of other DC Sports related notes) :

  • GILBERT IS BACK: To all those haters who said that Gil was bullshitting when he said he'd come back off the bench and be an assist man, well, to put it in the words of Ty Webb, your uncle molests collies. In three games back, Gil's been putting up 14.3 points and 4.3 assists in just under 22 minutes a game. Forget the points, 4.3 dimes in 20-ish minutes? Not too shabby Agent Zero.
  • WIZARDS PLAYOFF PUSH: Four games left in the season, @DET, PHL, IND and @ORL. We're two games behind Queen James and his merry band of dick riders for the 4 seed, a game in front of Illadelphia for the 6 seed and two games in front of America Jr.'s Team for the 7 seed. Not so sure we're going to be able to make up two games with four left to take the 4th seed, although that would be ideal. As for the opponents left, Detroit looks like they've already packed it up and are severely limiting their stars' minutes, Indy is making a late playoff push, but it looks to be too little too late, and hopefully Orlando tanks it in the last game of the season. Philly tomorrow night is of the utmost importance. Win that one, and we'll hopefully lock up the 5 seed and a date with the Queen.
  • WIZ BEAT CELTICS......AGAIN: Thank God we handled our bidness and won this important one. If there's one NBA team I dislike more than the Cavs, it would have to be the Celtics. I've always hated the Celtics, but all the recent sports success in Boston has taken it to a new level. If I have to hear one more shitty accent about the Sox, the Pats or the Celtics, that Boston fan is going to get Paul Pierce'd. I must admit though, after reading this, it seems that half the C's fans have a grip on reality (EJPLAYA, you're welcome in the DMV anytime), the other half are drinking the Doc Rivers Kool-Aid (I'm looking your way Frontierboy.) The only time you'll ever hear a fake Boston accent pass through my lips, is when I appropriately call anyone named Todd, "Re-Todd." On a semi related note, big ups to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for calling out the Pats while paying homage to Stand and Deliver all in one blow. HOW DO I REACH THESE KEEEDZ?!?!?!
  • CAPS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS: Well, I don't watch hockey, I've been to one game and I find it hard to follow the puck when I watch it on TV, but hey, this is a Chocolate City sports team so we gotta cover it. The last time the Wiz and Caps were in the playoffs at the same time, we were the Bullets, we were both playing in USAir Arena when it was known as the Capital Centre, Sesame Street was still heterosexual, and I was 7 years old. God damn 1988 was a money year. While we're on the subject of the Caps, why do they get to switch back to red, white and blue, yet the Wiz can't? Can we start a petition to get our original colors back? YO PAUL LUCAS, GET AT ME SO WE CAN TALK AND MAKE MOVES SON.
  • DC UNITED MEDIOCRE: My boys holding it down in RFK have started the season kind of slow. Got murked in their first MLS game of the season, won their MLS home opener in convincing fashion, and then couldn't overcome a 2 goal aggregate deficit at RFK on Wednesday night to get knocked out of the Champions' Cup. Ben Olsen is still out too, recovering from ankle surgery in the off season. He must be the (chest/facial) hair to DC United's Samson.
  • LARRANAGA STAYS IN THE DMV: My man Coach L turned down the head coaching gig at his alma mater Providence in favor of signing a contract extension with Mason through the 2014-2015 season. To top that off, Feinstein wrote a money piece on Coach L in the Post this week. From everything I hear, President Merten had a HUGE part in keeping Coach L, as did the AD. That's the athletic department, certainly not the athletic director.
I think I covered everything I wanted to, with the notable exception of my dissertation on Brendan Haywood, including in depth scientific analysis of whether his head is filled with caramel or malted milk, if pulling hair in a fight is in fact a bitch move, as well as a beautifully rendered venn diagram highlighting the pros and cons of the two handed dunk being the most potent move in your arsenal. Me thinks that'll have to wait for a post of its own. Lastly, let's raise our glasses and toast the return of 30 Rock and The Office last night, my sister introducing me to the wonder that is Pandora Radio, and me winning an authentic Rod Strickland Wizards jersey on eBay.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Who Ya Got? -- We Hate The Celtics Edition

In honor of the Wizards' big win over the Celtics, we're bringing you a special "Who Ya Got?" For those of you who don't know who Brian Scalabrine is ... don't worry. He got about a minute of playing time in the game, missed a layup and was up on the "kiss cam" on the Verizon Center jumbotron. So, who ya got? Brian Scalabrine -- the worst red headed basketball player I have ever seen or Patrick Renna -- the thespian that played "The Great Hambino" in "The Sandlot."
PS -- I can't wait to see Caron match up with Paul Pierce in the Eastern Conference Finals.

'Dem Georgia Boys, Greenery and Cash $$$

Admit it, judging by the title you thought this post was about: The OutKast smoking Bob Marley blunts at the the infamous Atlanta Gold Club while making it rain.

Well's not, but Davis Love III has been mistaken for Big Boi on more than one occasion! (They've agreed not wear their "killer teeth" at the same time to prevent future confusion.)

On to business - The Masters starts tomorrow with the beloved Par 3 Contest. For those of you unfamiliar with the Par 3 Contest: its held on a seperate 9-hole track. No winner has ever won the main event in the same year. This year marks the first time the contest will be aired on television, which ensures two important TV records will be set:

  1. Most shots of spoiled children of wealthy "athletes" prancing around in designer clothing on the hallowed grounds of Augusta;

  2. Most Gratuitous pics of Elin Nordegren, Amy Mickelson and other hottie WAGs:

This little bun-bun is Sonya Toms, wifey of David Toms. Did we mention that we hate golfers?

Since we have now fulfilled the mission statement of Made 'Em Jump Like Rod Strickland Sports, Boobs and Dope Ryhmes...

This post comes to a close with some advice: If you are a gambling man, and we certainly are, bet on Tiger to win the tourney. If you are looking for a good "first-half bet" like a certain contributor to this think-tank, take John Daly. Getting his breasts massaged has to be good for something right?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Local Boy Makes Good...Federal Suspect...ZING!!! we need to dance around this a bit to keep our velvet-lined cloak of anonymity goes nothing...

So the Dallas Morning News is reporting that NFL player Matt Lehr, who your boys have a connection with, is being investigated by federal authorities in North Texas for "allegedly" distributing steroids. The Lehr Bear, who used to play for the Cowboys among other teams, was suspended in 2006 for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy.

So let's see...the guy has already been suspended for 4 games by the NFL in 2006...he used to play for those classy, classy upstanding gents in Hotlanta...there is no way that - in our opinion - Lehr is Ganking Underaged Illegal Ladies Tatas, Ya heard. You hear that America?? Our opinion is that he's not GUILTY!

Forgiverness Prease...

So we haven't posted in almost a week...but we swear to U-God that we have a legit reason...

We were just too caught up in seeing our namesake on tv more than we have since he left the Wiz...

...or we just got lazy and fell asleep a lot...either way, we're semi-sorry...and we kinda promise to never do that again...sorta

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Monday, March 31, 2008

If Gil Says So...

I literally never want to drink anything else ever again for the rest of my life.

Vitamin Water - the makers of that wonderful elixir that has nursed me back from countless hangovers has gone and done it...they have done the one thing that could conceivably make them any more perfect in your boy's eyes...they went and signed Gilbert Arenas to a deal and put his beautiful mug on my favorite flavor - power-c.

From what I've gleaned from several inside sources, Gil's signature flavor contains 7% pure Gil paintball induced sweat.

Now if only Vitamin Water will make that Tough Juice flavor we've been lobbying for...

Nats Open Season at New Stadium in South East - Dem Corner Boys No-Likey

The Washington Nationals opened the 2008 season in a hale of fanfare - and gunfire - at their digs in South East, Washington, D.C.

The much heralded stadium - just blocks from Agent Beero's place of bidness - was the scene for some silly opening night drama as the Nats defeated dem bums from Hotlanta 3-2 on a two out walk-off homer by Ryan Zimmerman.

Equally as impressive as the Zimm's game winning donger, Nationals Park offers both Five Guys and Ben's Chili Bowl half smokes.

So as I said, the new stadium is in my semi-employed neck of the woods. And while you may say that I'm giving away too much info about my identity, I assure you that saying I work in South East keeps me in a cloak of anonymity...There are essentially three jobs you can have in my neighborhood - drug dealer, former mayor of D.C., or former mayor of D.C. turned drug user and hooker frequenter turned city council member. Guess which one I am...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Caron Butler: Putting Kevin Martin Through Puberty Since Friday Night

Dear Kevin Martin,

Just wanted to thank you for playing a big part in my next poster. I couldn't have done this without you. Your face was priceless, you have a bright future in getting dunked on.

Caron Butler

For real though, did you see this guy get one hung on his head on Friday night? Shit was bananas. We may have to start a sister site called "Don't Make 'Em Jump Like Kevin Martin." If there's one thing Woody Harrelson has taught me, it's that White Men Can't (shouldn't) Jump. What's that? Kevin Martin's not white? Yeah right, and I'm not awesome either.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

P.S. Wiz won the game 114-108. Only 1.5 games behind Cleveland for the 4 seed. We're coming for you Queen James. Big one vs. the Lakers tonight. C'mon tear away Armani.....

Friday, March 28, 2008

Duke Flavored Hater-Aid - The Choice of a New Generation

Ah...rejoicing in others' suffering - the official motto of Made 'em Jump...

Have you ever hated something so much you've wanted to "...throw a Molotov cocktail through your momma's momma's house..."??

Have you ever had an overwhelming need to two-foot some blue painted fucks right into a hot dog cart full of Eskay hot dogs?

Not that we here at Made 'em Jump hate Duke basketball, it's just that they are the biggest crop of butt nugget turds with an unnatural sense of entitlement the likes of which haven't been seen since...well...Greasy Bear.

That being said...

This past Saturday, thrice of the gentlemen that author this here fine blog went to the Verizon Center for the NCAA Tournament 2nd round Duke vs. West Virginia and Xavier vs. Purdue.

When it comes to college sports we, like most semi-law abiding citizens, aren't down with WVU and their couch burning / battery throwing policies. But when you pit WVU against Duke, you have to root against Duke.

So the thrice of us take our seats in the rafters of the Phone Booth and who should plop down in front of us but two of the most stereotypical Duke fans...ever...

These Carlton Banks, joint tax return filing mother fuckers sit down rocking their officially issued "Cameron Crazies" fan package circa 1997 - visors, gray camo-ish pants from a long forgotten Sisqo, "witty" Duke themed t-shirts, etc. And no sooner did we sit down did they go into their "trash" talking and Duke chants and choreographed dance routines. These guys clearly had no clue who they were dealing with, as they're the ones that initiated the shit talking. Granted, their shit talking consisted of spouting off grade point averages, rubbing each other's nipples and very non hetero pats on the ass. For every made fould shot Duke took, these turds would do the patened "Woosh" and every time WVU would shoot, they would try to distract the shooter (keep in mind they were roughly 1,000 feet from the floor).

It was impossible to ignore these fuckers...first of all they came with "girls" of which was built like Mike Golic...the other, large boobicaled one, was rocking a Carolina Blue "I Heart Roy's Boys" t-shirt. These turds couldn't even get cred with their bitches...

As the delightfully well bred sports fans that we are, we tried not to let them get to us...but despite our best efforts, we couldn't help but get our Irish up...or in the case of Agent Hiro, his Asian-American Irish up...

We lit into them the way three bad brothers from the mean streets of Northern Virginia would...lots of screaming "done, son" in their ears after every WVU point, plenty of nonsensical retarded comments, asking them when they were getting married and where they were registered at, and all the annoying bits that made us laugh and them curse the TicketMaster Gods for their seating assignments...

About halfway through the 2nd half WVU started to pull away on the backs of Radford, Va. native Darris Nichols and this mother fucker - Mr. Basketball West Virginia Joe Alexander (not the Huggy Bear). With about 4 minutes left in the game, it began to look like WVU was going to win. And then the most unbelievable thing in the history of all sports happened...the turd in the sweatshirt pulled out his own single serving cup of apple sauce and began to drink it like a fucking glass of scotch...just sipping on the mother fucker...AND THEN THE THEO HUXTABLE FUCK TURNED THE TOP OF HIS APPLE SAUCE INTO A FUCKING SPOON AND SCOOPED OUT THE LAST FEW MORSELS OF THE APPLE SAUCERIFFIC SNACK...fucking unbelievable...almost as unbelievable as the fact that none of us took a picture of it...

Once WVU was well on their way to victory, all shit talking (from them) had ceased, and said turds began to pretend like we weren't there. Long story short, the two Dookies finally digested the fact that their team just isn't that good, and decided to console each other, the only way two former Duke "roommates" (read: life partners) can:

I'm guessing my man on the right is the big spoon at night.

High fives all around for Duke being overrated.

God is Love,
Rev Run (Really Agent Beero, Agent Hiro, and the other two ghost faced bloggers who refuse to create e-monikers)

She Won't Regret This At All...

...because the tattoo will represent all the "love, inner strength, and beauty she has"...

Strike that, reverse it...

I think Audriana just got a tattoo that says "Everyone in America has seen my Joe E. Tatas" in Chinese...or of those funny little languages...

Sources report that it may actually say "I was born in Kowloon Bay!" but in Cantonese...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

This Is TIP, Coming Live From Cellblock D

The Associated Press is reporting that one of Made 'em Jump's favorite rappers, Clifford "TI" Harris, is heading to the slammer. The AP reports that the self-proclaimed "King of the South" plead guilty to weapons charges and will be sentenced after completing community service. Apparently he will talk to kids about the pitfalls of guns, gangs and drugs ... all of the things that made him great.

Takin' It Back To The Old School, Cause I'm An Old Fool Whose So Cool

Please God say this style is coming back...

Brandon "Kid" Jennings debuted his eraser-ish hair steez last night at the McDonald's All-American game...and to be honest with you, I think the style is AWESOME. Jennings will be following in the great footsteps of one Gilbert Arenas next year when he balls at Arizona

I really think there is no better way to go through life than looking like this: