Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Who's Your Daddy: Wizards Playoff Preview

"I ain't a killa but don't push me/ Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy" - Tupac Shakur

Well, the seedings are set. Cavs #4, Bullets #5 thanks to the Tim Donaghy gambinos hosing the Sixers last night in Philly. I'll only touch on this a little bit, but did anyone else see that CLE PHL game last night? The refs essentially handed Cleveland a win by whistling a foul with .2 on the clock with Philly up 1. Not only that, they went to review it in instant replay, and had to call the Sixers back on the floor so the free throws could be shot. Terrible officiating considering they let the Queen hop scotch down the lane with a few too many steps before Dalembert threw a block party, then completely ignored the fact that Ilgauskas gave Dalembert a fore arm shiver into Devin Brown for the foul. So basically with the blow of a whistle with .2 on the clock, the Wiz are locked into #5, the Sixers drop into #7 for good, and the Cavs get away with highway robbery again for home court advantage in the first round. We already knew that it would be Cavs Bullets in the first round, but now we know that the series will open in The Mistake by the Lake sometime this weekend. Way to let an important game be decided by the players David Stern. Who's your daddy? Oh that's right, it's Lebron.

So, for the third straight year, it'll be Cavs Bullets in the first round. In 2006, we were beaten by the Lebron James hype machine as he cheated his way to a 4-2 series victory. In 2007, we lost Caron and Gil at the beginning of April and the Cavs swept a shell of a Wizards team (Although big ups to Jamison for trying to carry the load by himself) out of the playoffs. In 2008, that shit ain't happening again. And here's why:
  • That Ben Wallace trade was the worst thing the Cavs could've done. You basically traded away your second and third scoring options in Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden for Bruce Bowen's punching bag and an over the hill Ben Wallace. I'll gladly let Queen James average 40 pts a game this series, because who else is going to score on that team? Did anyone else see Ben Wallace rim check himself on a wide open two handed dunk vs. Chicago two weeks ago? Priceless.
  • This isn't the same Wiz team the Cavs have played the last two years. Everyone's finally (semi) healthy, Haywood is having a career year, no one on the Cavs can defend Twan's playground game, Caron's developed into a prime time player, Gil's the best 6th man in the league, Blatche didn't get gatted this year, and we finally have a bench that's deep enough and capable of holding down the fort while the starters rest. The Cavs? Uh, they have some dude named "Boobie" coming off their bench, they traded their best offensive role players for 4.8 ppg, and they're from Ohio. That's what we call a lose, lose, lose situation.
  • Eddie Jordan > Mike Brown. No one has talked about it, but Eddie Jordan should be a COY candidate. He took a team that went 41-41 last season with the core of their team healthy for most of the year, and turned them into a potential 44-38 team with Gilbert missing 65+ games and Caron sitting out 20+. While we're at it, Ernie Grunfeld > Danny Ferry. As a GM and as a human.
  • Gilbert was for real about coming off the bench. If you've watched him since he's made his return, he is being limited to about 20-25 minutes a game, but is still being effective. Dropping dimes first, then dropping jumpers. Also, if you watched him take over the 4th quarter vs. Philly on Saturday night, you know this dude still has that fire in him. When he comes off the bench, it's going to be laughable watching someone on Cleveland's second team try and check him.
  • Lebron is Overrated
  • Phil and Buck are on our side
  • Lebron's semi-retarded. When asked about the pending first round matchup with the Wiz, this was his response: "I wanted to play someone else, but if we have to play somebody, I'm glad it's Washington." I wasn't an English major in college, but how does that even make sense? Let's quickly break down that quote. "I wanted to play someone else..." Ok that part makes sense, you didn't want to see the Wiz in the first round. "...but if we have to play somebody..." Hey dummy, you made the playoffs, of course you're going to have to play someone. "...I'm glad it's Washington." WTF? Didn't you just say seven words earlier that you wanted to play someone else? My head hurts trying to make sense of this.
  • Lebron and Damon Jones are clearly more than friends:
What do you know, that actually turned out to be another installment of bullets on the Bullets. So what's my final say? Bullets over Cavs in 6. I think we'll take one from them in Cleveland in the first two, and then let them hang around and win another game so we can finish them in the Phone Booth in game 6. Best believe we here at Made 'em Jump will be in attendance for at least a couple of the home games, and potentially take a road trip to Cleveland for one of the road games. This is the year we take out Lebron and his merry band of dickriders. THERE'S NO WHERE TO HIDE THIS YEAR SON!

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

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