Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Blow The Whistle.....Cause Lebron Travelled Again

"Lil' Lebron gotta run to his pops/Like "Daddy, he was makin fun of the Roc"/What's next, he goin get a diss track from his mom/Is Beyonce gonna sing a track for Lebron?/This is on behalf of Deshawn/But for real though this is only half of the bomb" - Pro'verb

I'm furious over Game 4 on Sunday. The team looked flat throughout long stretches of the game, the crowd left a lot to be desired (with the notable exception of section 220, where Made 'em Jump threw more profanities at Queen James than there are in a Wu-Tang album) and we fucking lost. By 3. Who beat us? Conventional wisdom would lead you to think Lebron beat us, but knowing he can only beat us by taking 9 steps to the basket, he instead chose to let DMV native Delonte West hit the game winner.

Well, game 5 is in Cleveland tomorrow night, and once again, David Stern has shat on us with a 6 pm start time. Another sneaky sleight of hand move by Stern to tip the scales in Cleveland's favor, knowing full well that we here in DC have real jobs that at times require us to work past 6, where as the Cleveland retards get to leave work whenever their factory steam whistles blow or whenever Drew Carey tells them to. I guess this means we can now officially blame the decline of The Price is Right on Cleveland as well.

So, as I'm sure everyone has heard, Jay-Z decided to take time out of his busy schedule (being an active communist, mimicking Michael Jordan by returning for mediocrity instead of leaving on top, collagen lip injections every hour on the hour, running Def Jam into the ground) to write a rap about Deshawn Stevenson to the beat of "Blow the Whistle" which I find hilariously ironic. Jay-Z? Really? C'mon S Dot, the man's name is Lebron James not Lebron Carter. For real though, I thought Lebron has stated time and time again that there is no rivalry. If this is such a non issue to Lebron, then why did he have to bother HOV to do his dirty work for him? Not only that, if Cleveland really did have his back, some rapper from Cleveland would've come to his defense before he had to call in favors. That's how real cities do it. Although I've never heard of him, big ups to Pro'verb for repping the DMV hard. Unlike some other local establishment.

Just like everyone has been talking/writing about the newest rap/basketball feud, there's been a decent ammount of buzz surrounding Deshawn's flagrant on the Queen in game 4. Here's what LeBitch had to say about it:
"I definitely saw DeShawn coming but I didn't know that he hit me with a closed fist until one of my teammates told me. If we were on the park, something definitely would have escalated. If we was on the park where I grew up playing a lot of basketball, something would have happened. But I guess that's what they want to do. They want to hurt LeBron James. It's not going to work."
First of all, Deshawn's hand wasn't closed at any point. Yeah it was a hard foul, but if you're going to swing to try and block Lebron getting to the hole, you better swing hard. He was clearly swiping at the ball and caught Lebron in the head. It happens. Second of all, something would have escalated? Like what, have Jay-Z write a song about it? Third of all, who the fuck does he think he is talking in the third person, Deion Sanders? It actually wouldn't surprise me if that were his role model. That's the kind of behavior I expect out of someone who lets their 3 year old child listen to songs about supermanning hoes. And last but not least, "They want to hurt Lebron James. It's not going to work"? I'm pretty sure it looks like he's severely bruised his vagina everytime he's bitching to the refs about his non calls. He's like the Alberto Gilardino of the NBA with all this gay ass acting and diving. Don't say it's not gonna work if you're gonna act injured every time you're on the floor. That's gotta be some type of hypocrisy.

Seriously though, this whole feud has just gone way too far, and the only logical conclusion to it would be either a Wiz series victory, or Deshawn being charged with felony assault when he kicks the Queen's teeth down his throat. I'm smelling a lot of Bitchassedness being blown in off the southern shores of Lake Erie. Here's (hopefully) to a victory in game 5.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

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