Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Tale of Two Busted Grills

'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish
You'd tell me this was love
It's not the way I hoped or how I planned
But somehow it's enough...
- Vanessa Williams

Today, my heart aches...for today, I have seen what has become of two of my former loves.

Oh Mickey, what has time - and several thousand punches to the face / plastic surgeries - done to that formerly enchanting mug of yours?? Also, when did you become homeless, grow a mini-ponytail, and decide it was a good idea to appear in public wearing a coat held together with duct tape??

And Ally, sweet sweet Ally...what have the hipster dufuses done to you?? The last time we saw you, you were 22 going on Oldie Hawn. Now you look like you just came off the assembly line to attend some sort of odd ball event. Also, are you wearing a purple bikini with a flannel blanket wrapped around your boobicals? Just asking. Why can't we get back to the days when you would take a helicopter to go shopping with your ugly friend??

Yours in abject sadness,
Agent Beero

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