Saturday, March 1, 2008

Real Recognizes Real Part II: The Return of the Beards

Last night's Wiz victory over the Bulls is the stuff legends - and grizzled beards - are made of. As the first half ended, the Wiz were down by roughly 674 and had just lost the services of DeShawn Stevenson and his magical - faded - beard to a bullshite ejection with less than a minute to play. I'll leave the full game recap to my comrade Agent Hiro, as he is more adept at in depth game coverage. Plus I have to believe he already has 7,000 words drafted on the game already. So long story short, the Wiz came out in the 2nd half and worked a little "magic" (haha...get it..."magic"...they're wizards...get it?? oh man, this stuff writes itself) and pulled off a pretty silly victory over a team that deserved to lose.

Know why?

Because the Bulls count two former Duke players as members of their team. There are few things we at Made 'em Jump Like Rod Strickland hate more than Duke, two of them being social injustice and being skimped on malt vinegar at Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips at the Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ.

Now to get to the real bidness of today's post: beards. First of all, I think we can all agree that DeShawn's beard is the greatest in the land. This has been well chronicled at D.C. Sports Bog. But what hasn't been mentioned, to my knowledge is the potential for one of the best "Who Ya Gots", ladies and gentleman, without further adieu, I give you:

Who Ya Got:

Drew Gooden



I know D.G.'s beard has more volume, but sweet jebus it is pretty damn close. Now if only Drew Gooden could play ball as well as Common can rap.

I'll leave you today, with my three pearls of wisdom gleaned during my 27 years of keeping it real. As an young, educated, entitled, white kid from the suburbs, I base my self confidence on three very important principals that you too can adopt:
  1. I probably will never have to suffer from scurvy.
  2. I know that Doctor Dre and Ed Lover are the two greatest statesmen America has ever known.
  3. Having a beard grants you certain rights and privileges that non-bearded chaps will never know.
That being said, I can sleep easily knowing that all is right in the world - as long as DeShawn and his beard are out there, somewhere, watching over me and the rest of the believers.

Yours in awkwardly grown beards,
Agent Beero

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