Friday, February 22, 2008

I see you working Cleveland

"To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying." - Ichiro Suzuki

So I wanted to wait until the NBA trade deadline passed before I spoke on the absurd ammount of movement over the last couple of weeks, and now that the 2/21 3 pm deadline has passed and the dust has settled, let me make one thing clear: NBA Owners appear to be recruiting their GMs from the special olympics (not you Ernie.)

At one point or another, every single NBA GM will make a ridiculous mistake. Drafting Darko, signing Steve Francis and Marbury to the same roster, and signing Juwan Howard to the first 9 figure contract in the NBA are just a few examples. Unless of course your name starts with a W and ends in es Unseld, then it's the reverse, where once in a blue moon you'll make a logical decision. Like trading Sheed for Rod the God Body. That being said, it seems as if a ton of GMs this year have either been huffing spray paint in their offices, or are being paid off by the Tim Donaghy Gambinos to fix the trade season.

So to start off with some of the losers of the trade season, we'll begin with those idiots in Memphis. Essentially, the Griz gave the Lakers their best player in Pau Gasol for the WORST #1 pick ever, a rookie, and the rights to Pau's little brother. Is this some kind of sick joke? Dallas, I'm looking in your direction as well. While everyone else in your conference is stockpiling big men, you just gave up a good young point guard, serviceable big men depth and two first round draft picks for an over the hill point guard who was ABUSED by his heir to the point guard throne in his Dallas debut. Shaq to PHX was something I was hard on at first, but after watching them lose to LA the other night in a shootout, I'm semi-convinced that they could actually make it work. It didn't dawn on me until then, but whenever Shaq and Amare are on the court together, Amare's getting checked by the second biggest guy on the floor, which will be a mismatch every offensive set. Still on the fence, but cautiously optimistic about it. Hopefully Marion will help the Heat a little bit too so they won't fall into a ridiculous talent (read: Michael Beasley) with a top 5 pick in this year's draft to pair with Wade.

What I'd really like to talk about however, is those turd burglars in Ohio. Danny Ferry pulled the trigger on a 3 team 11 man trade yesterday, that nabbed the Cavs Ben Wallace and Wally World. Not this Wally World, this one. God damn Cleveland gave up a LOT for Wallace (Drew Gooden, Larry Hughes and some others.) I think that the Cavs are being a might bit pretentious going with two big men like Z and Wallace. You can tell they're posturing to make the finals again, and got Wallace to help defend against the big men in the West. Why would you need two big men like that, unless say Phoenix got Shaq to go with Amare, San Antonio got Kurt Thomas to go with TD, and LA got Gasol and will have a healthy Bynum in a couple of weeks. And even then, SA only got Thomas so they could defend against the two headed big man monster in Phoenix. All I'm saying is this will make the Wiz knocking Cleveland out in the second round that much sweeter. Ugh, God awful Ohio. At least you produce fine upstanding gentlemen like Maurice Clarett. Nothing says fly-over state like Grey Goose and assault rifles. Retards.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

P.S. For those of you who had a hellacious commute to work in the ice today, peep the Ichiro link all the way at the top, should brighten your day a bit. Mr. Miyagi + Motorboat = made 'em jump gold. For those of you who didn't, fuck Hugh.

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