Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Everything You Could Want in a Picture...


...and so much, much more...

Apparently Mr. Gary Coleman, all 4'8" of him, got married to - if you went by this picture - the tallest woman in the world...or Rocky Dennis.

Other observations from looking at this picture:
  1. They were married on Mars. This could explain the grotesque appearance of the bride...not so much the freakishness of G.C.
  2. After using a slide rule, a protractor, and my TI 83 calculator I have determined that the exposed surface - in cubits - of the blushing bride's gums is equal to Gary's height when converted into the volume of space in those widdle bubby wubby cheeks of his.
  3. Gary Coleman is old. He literally looks like a mini - albeit adorable - version of Rickey Henderson.


I didn't even mention all the really good quotes in the WWTD article about how Gary goes weeks without talking to his wife (obviously he is talking to her, it is just that sound only travels at 340.29 meters per second so it just takes a while for the words to get from his lips to her comically oversized ears) or how he gets mad and throws things at her. Again, not Gary's fault he's just so short that...well...you get the picture...the mother fucker is short. I'll leave it at that as to not offend parts of our constituency...bless their iddy biddy widdle hearts...

Yours in the resplendent glory of being 5'10"ish...
Agent Beero

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

good god, SHE proposed to him! I guess she couldn't wait on the idea of reaching for jars on the top shelf, getting carded at R rated movies, and not being able to go on any of the good rides at amusement parks...